Unplug the Electric Squid!

Nevermind!

2008-07-27T00:04:53Z

So we went underway today. Then we came back, forty eight minutes later, because stuff broke. We had to stay on the boat though, doing abso-fucking-lutely nothing for eight hours straight, 'cause the Captain wanted to make absolutely sure we could go out if the nucs figured out what happened, except they didn't. So even though we're probably gonna still be here for another week, we're going into work tomorrow 'just in case'.

Yeah. I'm getting drunk tonight.

UPDATE yea i got drunk tonight

lancemcdire @ 2008-07-22T14:10:00

2008-07-22T18:13:08Z

Sorry, could you repeat that? I was too busy GOING UNDERWATER FOR A REALLY FUCKING LONG TIME

FUCK

Yeah at the end of this week I'll be off the intarwerbs until about January, with intermediate stops in a few places. By the time I get back I'll be FT3(SS) instead of FTSN(SU) at least.

SEATTLE 08 TRIP REPORT

2008-07-19T20:44:01Z

So I'm gonna be underwater for the vast majority of the rest of the year, so I said fuck it I'm going home for a week. It was a good idea. So here's a super brief and vague bullet-point thing of what happened!

-Saturday I got into Seattle. I bought a PS3 and MGS4. Mercury was awesome
-Sunday was pretty great. College Inn had strange things.
-Monday we played MGS4 and beat it on...
-Tuesday morning AND IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER
-Wednesday was pretty super-great.
-Thursday had awesome margarita night with my dad there
-Friday I played lots of hacky sack with my homies on Queen Anne
-Saturday is today and I'm leaving soon :( :(

NO PLACE TO HIDEO

2008-07-15T20:24:09Z

Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots is the greatest most insanest ri-donk-ulous fantabulous antidisestablishmentarianist game I have ever played in my 23 years on this good green earth and I am pretty sure that my brain is bleeding from everywhere and its so good

oh yeah I'm in seattle too isn't that special

lancemcdire @ 2008-07-11T01:06:00

2008-07-11T05:17:12Z

I do not understand that "brand new dance" Crank That (Soulja Boy Tell Em) at all. He talks about Robocop and grandpas and cranking it every day?
I would, in fact, like to know "why he crank dat soujaboy". Apparantly Souljaboy Tell Em also doesn't know. He's bouncing on his toe and then he's superman-ing that ho? Why is he Jokinen on his bitch ass? Jokinen is an LANtech on my boat, what's he got to do with it.
And why would haters get mad if he's got... baconator? Wait now he's passing it to a rabbit and something about a rubber band-band-band? So apparantly I catch him at my local grocery store and (yes) he crank dat every day, I guess.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

YUUUUEEEE

fucking clamfuck christ

2008-07-08T01:03:04Z

Admittedly, not many people really like Steven Frank. He's constantly behind on qualifications, the worst kind of lazy, always has an excuse, and is too fat to be in the Navy. He's probably the second to worst person on the boat you want to be next to in an emergency (at least he doesn't fall asleep on a saftey-of-ship watch like fuckin' Looney).

Last night I saw Wanted with my buds. We get out of the theater and Chris realizes he's got a voice mail from Frank's now ex fiancee, she's saying she's really worried about him and he's talking about killing himself. We were pissed. It was midnight thirty and we did not want to deal with this. However, I did not want to go to a funeral, and good kids that we are we informed the command, got in the car and begrudgingly started calling people to find out what his room was. After making about twenty calls and basically spreading word that he was suicidal around we got his room number. We get there, and after knocking a few times with no answer, Chris literally kicks his door in.

Frank's still alive, but saying he has no reason to live anymore and not giving us any further information. We stuck around for a while to make sure he wasn't going to do anything drastic and kept talking to him, trying to find out why he was thinking of offing himself. After a while we got pretty fucking mad, I lost my cool and yelled at him that I could be asleep right now but I'm fucking staying up here because Goddamnit I don't want deal with the circumstances of him lying in a puddle of his own blood on the floor and we're all here because believe it or not we fucking care about our shipmates. Eventually the cops and an ambulance showed up to take him to the hopsital.

So since I think I got around seven hours of sleep total this weekend I was late to work this morning. A 1MC (ships announcement) comes on that theres gonna be an all-hands muster topside after lunch. So after we all eat I go up to get in ranks and Chief Schrock stops me and is like, stand at the side of the formation. This only means one thing--I and maybe others are being called before the Captain for something. Either really good or really bad.

So the skipper, XO, and COB come out and COB's like, "Petty Officers Hardin and Williams, Seamen Laye and Tingle, front and center." We go up, and the Captain starts talking about what happened last night. And gives Hardin, since he was the senior man, a NAM (Navy Achievement Medal) and tells the rest of us we're getting Admirals Letters WHICH ARE VERY GOOD. Afterwards congradulations were all around.

So yeah. Dont try to kill yourselves, assholes. There's always something better out there for you, and there's always someone with the good will to come to your aid. Or at least, they'll be there because they want another piece of chest candy.

lancemcdire @ 2008-07-07T01:45:00

2008-07-07T05:45:42Z

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

lancemcdire @ 2008-07-06T15:43:00

2008-07-06T19:46:13Z

"Robos Theme" from Chrono Trigger is fucking Rick Roll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

PATRIOTISM BITCHES

2008-07-04T17:55:39Z

Look a flag FIREWORKS ARE FREAKIN BADASS

Last night my roomie Chris says to me, "Tomorrow will be one of those days where we wake up and realize last night was a bad night". Correct he was.

After a mild disaster at work yesterday, there was a bbq at my buddy Adams place so we all go over there with about seventy two bottles of beer, fagita fixins, some energy drinks, and a bottle of jaeger. I'm sure the astute reader can imagine the results with startling accuracy. After the fa-ji-taz it was decided that not only was it shirtless o'clock but it was also time for beer pong. And then later it was declared that the beer pong would be played with shots of jaeger. Then at what three am we decided to walk home but that walk turned out to be more of an Adventure.

So yes my head became VERY OW.

I'm going to go reheat some lo mein now. Also congradu-props to Stefan on being LAWESOME.

lancemcdire @ 2008-07-02T18:31:00

2008-07-02T22:32:16Z

Tengen Toppa Gurren Latte?

lancemcdire @ 2008-06-29T00:06:00

2008-06-29T16:54:04Z

After I get out of the Navy (yes I decided I'm getting out) I'm going to write a book. It will be titled "Eight Knots to Nowhere: My Five Years as a Submariner". It will be a scortching diatribe on the absurdities of this life we live. It will be a national best seller, one of those books Oprah recommends, and I will make millions of monies and go on talk shows and stuff, before fading from the limelight after a few months. The first chapter will be titled "Faggots Faggots Faggots".

Also my tinea versicolor is out of control help someone get me selinium sulfide.

OK fine

2008-06-29T03:58:49Z

I haven't been motivated lately to type things up. There's not really anything anyone'd find interesting right now. I go to work buttfuck early in the morning, do my job, go home, and do very little until I go to bed. Every few days I spend the night on the boat and spend six odd hours carrying a rifle 'cause I'm on duty. I'm pretty tired. Eat a lot of order-out chinese food. Um... so let's see.

As many of you may know I'll be home July 12th. I made sure to get a week of Leave 'cause at the end of July the boat's going out to sea for a... until Decemberish. We'll be in and out of various east-coast ports (P-Can again yay) but, since it's a submarine, underwater most of the time. My goal is to finally finish up my ships qualifications and get by fish (and subsequently, get treated like a human being) by the end of August. This will be accomplished by bringing a lot of candy underway for bribes and sleeping as little as possible.

I'd actually considered ceasing to update this guy, but since I've had it going since like 03, why stop now? I'll just probably update less and slightly more begrudgingly.

I downloaded the OST to Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and it's far manlier than anything you're listening to.

I need help

2008-06-06T00:11:06Z

Blasting off at the speed of Light!

2008-06-06T00:08:15Z

BE A MAN

2008-05-29T14:06:16Z

Promise to you!

2008-05-20T21:14:04Z

Big entry in a week or two, whenever I get the pictures and also whenever I can get 'round to it.

Maybe I'm just too demanding / Maybe I'm just like my father / Too old

2008-04-24T01:39:16Z

Before I go into battle, I listen to "When Doves Cry".

... I really wish I had MS Paint back so's I could do some kind of Gurren-Lagann / When Doves Cry image of ridiculous awesomenss. Sigh.

We just had a two day long underway. It was gay 'cause the day started early as fuck, and I went twenty three hours on two hours of sleep, but whatever. The reason I'm not too pissed is because I now have my own actual rack. Last time we went out, I slept in the big construction in the Torpedo Room with a bunch of other guys. It was loud and bright and could get real cold. It wasn't that bad really, but now I sleep in berthing with curtains and my own light and storage and a heater. Hooray for Andrew!

Next ween we're going to Wilmington, NC, for commissioning. I can't really remember if I've written about it before but apparantly it's going to be a Big Deal and a Lot of Fun. Hopefully! Honestly I've been feeling a rut lately, it'd be nice to be out of it and not feel all bipolarish.

Oh it's a little late BUT happy Passover!

when I get the sawed off bodies get hauled off

2008-04-22T02:12:57Z

This may be my favorite picture I've ever taken.

If you ever get the chance, tour a World War II era battleship. This is from the bow of the BB-55 North Carolina.

So I decided to update.

2008-04-17T23:34:31Z

I realize I haven't been putting much up here lately. I will now attempt to rectify.

I never thought I'd be saying this, but I can't wait til we get up to Groton next month. This place, Newport News, is the epitome of suck. Not only does it suck, but we're literally smack dab in the middle of the ghetto. Command decision that we're not allowed to walk alone after dark. People get mugged and shot and stabbed, even sailors on their way to or from work. Just last week one of our guys (Florit) got held up at gunpoint. Contrasting to all this, Groton was in a nice place, the weather was acceptable, I've got more friends up there, and I don't have to travel almost two hours to get to a NEX and I don't have to do most of my shopping at a 7-11.

So. May 3rd is the North Carolina's commissioning ceremony in Wilmington, NC. The city's real excited 'bout that. They've spent over half a million dollars on events and whatnot for when we're down there. Whenever the Captain goes down there for something, he's treated like a god. I'm actually going down there tomorrow for some community relations thing with some other guys, we're going to help build a playground in some park. The city's paying for all our hotel rooms, all our meals, gas, everything. So yeah, we're kinda a big deal.

Ugh. Groton. Can't wait.

lancemcdire @ 2008-04-08T17:32:00

2008-04-08T21:34:20Z

Well I'm back. Actually I was back a few days ago but the sheer monotomy of typing an LJ entry was almost too much.

Actually I'm just a lazy hobosexual. So, I suppose you, the reader, would like to hear of my experiences beyond the sea?

IT MOSTLY SUCKED

Anyway. The coolest parts were finding a Nintendo DS in the Trash Room and going up into the sail for the first time at midnight. Nothing but stars and wind and somewhere, far off, the horizon. Underway the days blurr together. By the time I'd hit the rack I'd be unable to recall what happened in the "morning". I'd judge time by what we had for chow. It's hamburgers, so it must be 1200!

It's nice to be back. And in two weeks we're going underway again, this time to Wilmington, NC for commissioning.

lancemcdire @ 2008-02-24T22:24:00

2008-02-25T03:26:01Z

Okay I'm going underwater now. Peace out.

Absolution or aristocracy??

2008-02-20T21:36:15Z

Give me your opinion, internets.

Tonight, should I drink beer and watch The Aristocats or drink beer while listening to Muse and reading Heart of Darkness? Because both of those sound like FANTASTIC ideas to end the last two days.

I can't say more but fuck deck plates.

Saturday Petty Officer Firecontrol Technician Third Class Ghorashisarvestani and I went out to buy clothes and shit. See, Petty Officer Firecontrol Technician Third Class Ghorashisarvestani had a date that night and he wanted me to make sure he actually bought clothes that made him look good, and not like a chump. So I totally gayed the fuck out and made sure Petty Officer Firecontrol Technician Third Class Ghorashisarvestani looked like a champ, not a chump. I myself purchased those totally awesome cufflinks posted below, along with a totally awesome white french cuff shirt to wear those with. Then, thinking, I can't have a nice shirt without nice pants, bought new pants. Then, thinking, I can't have nice pants without a nice belt, I bought a new belt. I was tempted to go lower and get new shoes but my wallet was all no andrew pleze and i was like stfu wallet but it was like I HAVE MONEY YOU NEED MONEY TO EAT AND STUFF and I was like fuck.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Stefan should I buy these??

2008-02-14T22:44:44Z

A rant on the Asian Saga

2008-02-12T23:20:39Z

Okay so you may have (but probably won't have) heard of the "Asian Saga", by James Clavell. It consists of the books Shogun, Tai-Pan, Gai-jin, King Rat, Noble House, andWhirlwind. Back in college I read Shogun, wished I hadn't, and recently I started reading Tai-Pan, and I'm wishing I'm not.

I mean, Clavell's a good writer. As in he understands how to write a sentence well. He is NOT, however, a good writer when it comes to the whole Begining-Middle-End part. Instead he seems to think a book should be Begining-Begining-End???-Begining-Middle-Begining.

SPOILERS BY TEH WAY OK So like this character in Shotgun was going to commit seppuku and it had huge buildup and was going to like change the history of Japan and was emotional and I was almost crying and then she's all like "nm Lol" and I was like wtf nothing happened!! and then a chapter later fucking ninjas attack for some reason adn she gets blown up out of fucking nowhere. And the end of the book? "hay nobunga let's take over japan!" "OK!!!!" "hay rader are you ready this will be awesome!!!!!" END

and then I threw the book out the wall and my irrational hatred for japan increased by volumes

So the other day for some stupid reason I picked up Tai-Pan and thought it'd be intersting and maybe continue the taking-over of japan and shit but no NEXT BOOK IS TWO CENTURIES LATER AND IN CHINA NOT JAPAN AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WITH THE ANYTHING THAT HAPPANED IN THE RPEVIOUS BOOK

"OH fuck we just lost like nine billion dollars! Were fucked!!" *big plans that will be awesome* "oh hay dirk straun here have a ton of money" "gee thanks!" AND THREE MONTHS LATER EVERYONE DIED BECAUSE OF MALARIA

I haven't posted in a while

2008-02-09T19:30:47Z

That's because Newport News doesn't like the internet.

So I'm actually on the North Carolina now. It's... submariney. There's a lot of bullshit going on in general with the boat, since they're trying to get a lot of shit crammed into the last few months before commisioning, and a lot of people on the boat are disenchanted with the Navy. It's sort of leaking over to me too. Regardless, nub-status sucks and it'll suck for the next few months til I get qualified. Also in a year or two we'll be going to Hawaii. This is good, very good.

I don't really have much else to say except my right foot is in disgustingly bad shape, a veritable honeycomb of blisters swelling with various gooes and the slightest pressure such as walking which is something I do all the goddamned time will pop them and send shockwaves of pain up my leg and ow ow owwwww